Pocket full of sunshine

It is often said that your past makes you a person you are in your present. Past indeed has an inevitable impression on your present.

An year ago while preparing for thee most important school examination of any school grader my mind was somewhere taking a roller coaster ride, juggling between the myriad of emotions brewing in me for a no of months and our dearest syllabus which kept staring at me wide eyed compelling me to complete it.

On my birthday, which was a much awaited day, i cried. I had waited for another chance to accept something i wanted to but i could not discern my heart question my mind , Stubborn a stone, i was.
Later the same saturday i broke my phone off out of frustration. A week later i broke off my television remote.

"My heart says a 100, my mind also says a 100.
 Her heart says a 100 but her mind gives a duck. "

That time of my survival was indeed the most crucial and most introspective and a trailer of what was to happen later . That breaking off was not a physical frustration but and emotional failure.

I had been escaping my own self by keeping myself "Busy". However, that being busy took its toll on me as much as it could in the coming months of preparation. I was there. I swotted. I struggled but it never paid off.

*realises*

How could it! I was there but i WAS NOT there.

And what followed after was realization and another realization and another life-changing realization.

I did not respect time . How could it revere me !

But those months gave me something for life, :)

MYSELF.

*smiles*

A pocket full of sunshine it was ; to be able to be so palpable; to discover and create myself further; to know there is  a river capable of shaping each stone.

*smiles*

My past pulled out the beautiful present i feel blessed to experience today , indeed through many suicidal and relinquishing and holding on jiffies.

Past has passed, present is mine.
And always the future shall shine.

Choose everyday to feel. Choose everyday to wake up, Choose everyday to let off the barrier you build. Choose to let someone in. Choose to accept. Choose to smile and cry altogether, to trust, to let betrayed, to climb and to change for better.

Choose to die and break down and to wake up everyday and realising there's nothing better to let it going on for another day because there is someone just coveting to have you smiling. Be it your parents (my god) , your sibling ( my idol) or someone you have kept a secret place for (my love) . :)


And your choices will create a whole new canvas you had been anticipating to paint.



*choosing*